Oh dear. Oh dear

I think that's what you call a travesty.

I missed Saturday's show because we had far too many children running around in the back garden in the rain and wind while my husband manfully tried to light soggy fireworks, but I caught up via the SCD website and Marie's blog.

The dances I loved were Tom's (hilarious hilarious but so fleet of foot), Cherie's (way to go Cherie, but you need to crack Latin if you're going to get into the final), surprisingly Lisa's as I haven't been that fond of her up until now, and Rachel's.

Heather's tango was by far the best dance she's done all series, and Christine's jive was just ... dull. I cannot understand at all Christine's appeal. I can only imagine she has a lot of fans on The One Show (which I have never ever watched so don't get at all why she's so popular).

My two personal favourites in the competition John and Jodie were both rubbish this week (although John just makes me laugh out loud, the way he hams up his crap dancing), and I have to reluctantly concede that it isn't actually fair any more if either of them stay in because they can't really dance and all the others (including boring Christine) can.

So I was convinced the dance off was going to be between those two and that John would be kicked off because you can just SEE the judges are desperate to get rid of him (1 from Craig for entertainment? C'me on I get the 1 for the lack of dancing ability but John certainly entertains, if not necessarily for the right reasons).

But then blow me down with a feather the great British Public voted (if ever there was a reason for not giving the masses the vote its watching how they behave on competitions like this) so Heather and Brian were in the dance off with ... Rachel and Vincent. Neither of them deserved to be there, though Rachel is definitely the best dancer so the best woman won, but still...

Any more of this and I might have to boycott the programme.

Surely next week we have to see John in the dance off? Much as I love him it is time for him to go. (Besides I've finished the book on which I've modelled his character, so I don't need him anymore...)

But with the great BP in control of the voting, who can tell what the outcome will be? We'll probably end up with Austin and Tom in the dance off when really they should be both be twinkling their way to the final...

Freckles and bullfights.

Last night watching Strictly Come Dancing was a hugely educational experience. I learnt that Paso Doble (which is a dance I've managed to miss seeing before somehow) is about bull fighting and to dance the Viennese Waltz properly you apparently need freckles...

It was also quite hard work watching it in our house as the eight year old had a friend for a sleepover, so whereas normally it's just the six year old squealing her way through SCD, last night we had three small girls screeching their heads off. So if I've badly misinterpreted all the dancing you'll have to forgive me...

I decided watching Lisa and Brendan I could really get into the Paso Doble. I totally "get" that dance is also about story, and you could do a great story with that. I did like their dance, but wasn't totally wowed by it, although overall they probably made the best fist of it.

Cherie and James had their worst score, because Cherie unfortunately tripped at the beginning and was so put off she forgot to act the story. I kind of agreed with Arlene that it would have been great to see her do it again. Am sure if she hadn't tripped it would have been the best one of the night. (Though what DID they give her to wear? I liked the swirling skirt, but not in gold...)

Mark Foster (thankfully minus the seethrough top), probably did his best dance so far. He's trying so hard, poor love. It's just a shame he was so completely out of time the music stopped before he did. I was in hysterics with Arlene's puzzled bewilderment about how he must be in time in swimming but can't seem to get it in dancing. (I swim a bit, and I can completely see that the rhythm you get into for swimming is a totally different thing - like he says you're going one way, and it doesn't matter how you look!).

Christine's dancing is always enthusiastic, but somehow unmemorable. This was so unmemorable I had to think quite hard to remember if she'd done Paso Doble or Viennese Waltz. Oh dear.

As usual I loved Jodie, even though the judges didn't. It probably wasn't as good as last week's, but there's something about Jodie which I just find irresistible (it is probably because, judging by my five minutes with Anton, I would be just as useless as her if I were doing it.)

The funniest though, had to be John Sergeant's. It's becoming more and more clear that he can't dance at all, but I just love the interpretations he puts on things. He was just hilarious stamping his little feet and trying to look serious. And I loved his comment about being in the position of the favourite runner up in a bye election. I do hope he's still in next week...

The waltzes were better, I thought. Even Andrew Castle didn't do too badly - and thanks to Ola having had him strapped to her waist all week (how DO these dancers manage to keep a straight face when they do things like that?) his bum didn't even stick out. But PLEASE Great British Public, it's time he went. He can't dance for toffee.

I loved loved Heather's waltz. All the way through this we've watched Heather sing and thought, there's a show woman, but she hasn't seemed to be able to translate it to the dance floor. And last night she did, in a dress, which my ten year old pronounced a perfect princess dress (it was very pink). I really really hope she's saved the dance off this week.

Austin and Orla were predictably good, but I didn't think they quite deserved the nines they got.

Rachel and Vincent's waltz was charming if a little unexciting. Rachel also got a great dress (but very very weird gloves).

The hero for me this week had to be Tom though. I didn't think there was anyone to fancy on SCD this year, but I have changed my mind. Tom is utterly my new hero and I don't even watch Holby. He was soooo sweet talking about his wife (who must be very very longsuffering to put up with Camilla on her honeymoon) and then danced a lovely romantic waltz and dedicated it to her. Ah bless... For me it was the dance of the night, and I think I may have a problem now choosing between him and Cherie.

And as a measure of how much more relaxing it is to dance in your own lounge after a glass of red, then in a huge loft surrounded by strangers, I boogied round the lounge with the two big girls for hours... IF only I could have been that relaxed on Thursday....

Dancing with the Stars

Well, one, specifically...

Several weeks ago I was interviewed for the Express about my experiences learning to dance (such as they are). As I'd talked about dancing in the kitchen with my husband (actually I do it without my husband too - Friday nights usually finds me boogying to Chris Evans' All Request Friday, it's a great stress buster I can tell you), they were going to send a photographer down to take a picture of me in the kitchen complete with pinny and marigolds.

I'm very glad they didn't.

Last week I got a phone call asking me if I'd like to come up to London for a photoshoot. Would I ever? When the most exciting thing that generally happens to me in the week is the Sainbsbury's shop, I didn't need much persuading. Particularly when I found out that I was going to get a makeover, have my hair styled and wear some fabulous dresses. No girl could say no to that...

And even if I was mad enough to turn such a fabulous opportunity down, when they told me I was going to be photographed with Anton du Beke, you could have heard me squeeing from here to Timbuctu. I didn't stop giggling for a week.


I was however very nervous. I've never done anything like this before, though I have done a fair few radio interviews, which I quite enjoy because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU.

I realise I should have taken my own mantra from the book and just pretended no one was looking but it was quite strange to go from the normal domestic routine to joining the commuter crowd (which I haven't done for years) and end up in a lofty studio close to London Bridge surrounded by people measuring me up like a kind of prize cow.

As I was the first to arrive (I was being photographed with a wonderful lady who also happens to be the receptionist at my publishers and a fabulous dancer who gave me lots of great info for the book), the lovely make up girl started doing my make up. I was suddenly terribly self conscious about my hair which needs a damn good cut, but somehow in my busy life I haven't found time for that recently. However she did a great job of making it look curly and natural, and I wish I knew what she'd done as I've decided this is a Look I must keep forever. Apart from anything else she made me look twenty again, which is no mean feat...

I also (shamefully at the great age of 43) had my eyebrows plucked and my lashes curled for the first time ever. But probably not the last now (I realise in my middle age I have inherited my father's bushy eyebrows. NOT a good look.)

While I was being made up Anton arrived. He was charm itself, introducing himself to us straight away and promptly chiming in with comments about what we were going to be wearing. He sat down next to me and once he'd found out I'd written a book was polite enough to appear to want to know what it was about. He also read out his own hilarious interpretation of the story (wasted as a dancer, that man I tell you), before pointing out that (ouch!) in the beautiful picture of the couple dancing on the front the man's arm is in the wrong position. I should have known that, but didn't even think about it when I saw the cover as it is soooo beautiful. So to all you dancing fans out there who've noticed, mea culpa. Should have spotted that one!

I then went to try dresses on while everyone else got made up, which was fantastic quite frankly. I tried on two lovely turquoise dresses (one strapless one made me feel like a million dollars but I didn't get to wear it in the end because it didn't have a swirly enough skirt), a purple dress I wasn't so keen on and a fantastic red dress from John Lewis which I absolutely HAVE to own...

By now Anton was dancing with my friend. I watched in envy as they made it look so easy, and in fact their photos together are going to be amazing as she was natural and funny, and gorgeous.

I on the other hand felt like a total dork. The photographer kept trying to get me to relax, but I think the first pictures he took just showed me looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights. He kept telling me not to look so scared, but I was absolutely terrified. Anton like the true pro he is made me laugh by taking the piss out of my inhibitions. Well frankly, I was waaaaaayyyy out of my comfort zone (telling me to put my hand on a man who isn't my husband's thigh in the middle of the morning was slightly disconcerting to say the least). At the risk of sounding like a total alcy I could have really really used a drink at that point.

More disconcerting for poor Anton probably was the number of times I trod on his toes, but he seemed to cope with it manfully. In the space of half an hour I had the experience of simultaneously being Katie (who is supremely unconfident at the start of the book) and Emily (who steps on toes all the time). Oh dear. That wasn't how my vision of the day went...

Luckily it did get better, and after discovering that to make the muscles in your face relax you have to blow your cheeks out, I ended up giggling my way through the rest of the shoot. But jeez it's hard. My chin always seemed to be in the wrong place, or I wasn't looking at the camera, or my shoulders were out. Who'd be a model, hey? Not me, that's for sure. (Not that anyone would be asking me ever, after yesterday's performance!)

I would have LOVED to have had the opportunity to get a proper dancing lesson from Anton, because he was quite brilliant at choreographing the photo so we got the right poses, and it was enormous fun. I suspect he wouldn't like me all that much as a pupil though, thanks to the stepping on toes thing, though he was kind enough to say at one point that I had shown a smidgeon of natural ability.

The session ended all too quickly, Anton keeping up his very witty repartee till the very last moment.

And then it was back home on the train, to sort out the kids' stuff for their tennis lessons, and then go and stand in a windy playground which played havoc with my wonderful hairstyle.

At one point Anton was teasing me that I probably spent my life in jeans and teeshirts - well er yes. Much as I love to dress up, that gorgeous red dress, and those lovely red shoes wouldn't be at all practical in the playground...

You can see the results of my day in the Express on Monday, but I hope to get some pictures up here at some point if allowed.

In the meantime, as Tess and Brucie would say, Keep Dancing!

Strictly the Best

Unfortunately I was away for the weekend (again - I know, I know. It's a wild life I lead), so missed Saturday's show.

However, I read Marie's brilliant round up here, so I didn't feel I'd missed too much. And I did go and look at the dances online to get back up to speed.

I think my favourite dances this week were Tom and Camilla's American Smooth which just glided across the floor and Rachel and Vince's samba which was very energetc and raunchy. Tom and Camilla were fabulous. I think if I were his new wife, I might think that was worth having my wedding postponed for, so long as he danced with me like that. I also really liked Jodie who IS graceful and not at all storklike when she's doing ballroom. I was sooooo pleased she didn't end up in the dance off again. I watched the results show with the ten and twelve year olds and the ten year old and I whooped like crazy people when she was saved. (The twelve year old is far too dignified to act like a crazy person). We whooped even more when John and Kristina were saved. I love John. He is like a great cuddly bear, and he is so so charming. He didn't dance at all on Saturday, but carried it off with such aplomb.

I was very sorry to see Heather and Don in the dance off, as I thought that spot should have gone to Andrew Castle (who is dreadful, but clearly has a lot of support from GMTV viewers) and Mark Foster who's samba was nearly as astonishing as Gary Rhodes' first effort.

I think Heather did have the slight edge, so Don probably should have gone (mainly for pulling such terrible faces when he danced), but will miss those velvet tones. Now if he could only dance the way he speaks...

The competition is definitely hotting up now. Cherie, Austin, Mark and Rachel are all in with a chance I'd say, and Christine and Lisa were much better this week. I just find them a bit bland (and Rachel too, if I'm honest).

If it was on character alone, I'd be saying John or Jodie FTW, and until they're knocked out, I'm still hoping...

It's Ladies Night...

Or rather it was, last night, but I got a bit distracted by The X Factor followed by 50 years of Blue Peter. It's all go in my house I tell you...

So this week it was the girls turn to show us what they're made of, and as with the boys, there are two clear leaders, who make the others look distinctly banal.

First up it was Christine and Matthew who performed an unremarkable quickstep, although Christine at least looked like she was having fun.


Then it was Jodie and Ian. I love Jodie. I think she's fab. But oh dear god was she out of her comfort zone. Not surprising really. Rumba to me is a dance you should do with someone you're very very intimate with. With anyone else it just looks pervy. Jodie was clearly trying to find her inner sensualist, but sadly, despite her best efforts she failed. Sadly, I think this means she's in the dance off again. Which is a shame because I think she is great fun and she tries so very very hard...

Then it was Heather and Brian. Great choreography, but Heather didn't exactly inspire. It all feels a little inspid I have to say. Mind you, it's easy for me to talk, just remembering those steps must be a nightmare, let alone putting some energy into it. But still, it didn't stand out, despite her best efforts.


Then it was Cherie and James. Once again Cherie pulled it out of the bag and delivered an AMAZING rumba. Amazing. Being an actress has got to help with getting into character and demonstrating the story of the dance, but that aside, she's graceful, she's fluid and a complete joy to watch. I also LOVE how driven and competitive she is. I really really want her to win because I think it would be a great boost for older women everywhere (and sadly I am beginning to include myself in that category). So hurrah for Cherie. Top that boys!

From the sublime to the ridiculous. Poor old Jessie Wallace. She looked completely out of her depth (again.) I must have been going bonkers to even consider her as a contender (which I briefly did from the first show). She seems to lack rhythm and plods around the stage like a carthorse, but she was clearly devastated by the judges' comments so maybe she'll get a sympathy vote. On the performance though, she should be in the dance off with Jodie. But we all know Strictly isn't always about how people perform otherwise Kate Garroway would have never been in it so long...

Then it was Lisa and Brenda with another rumba, and they made a pretty good fist of it. Lisa is definitely chasing third place among the ladies, and this was a huge improvement from last time, but not up to Cherie's standard.

And finally it was Rachel and Vincent. I loved this quickstep. I thought Rachel looked elegant and energetic. She moves beautifully and has great timing. Like Cherie she is incredibly focussed and driven and I think she's going to go a long way. Though the judges awarded this dance second place, I have to say I was a bit torn between her and Cherie, and I think I'd give this the slight edge. The public will probably end up voting for the young and beautiful so no doubt she will make it to the final along with Tom and Austin, but I think it will be close between her and Cherie. Very very close.

For the dance off, it should by rights be Jodie and Jessie, but the fickleness of the British public is renowned (never is the argument against the people having the vote more amply demonstrated then by their responses to TV competitions), so who's to say who'll end up there. If Jessie gets the sympathy vote, it will probably be Heather or Christine with Jodie, and sadly I think we'll be saying goodbye to her.

Though I do hope not.

Still playing catch up....

From my weekend away (for more of which, see the other blog), but I did manage to see the dance off last night. Gosh they pad that programme out, it could all be over in half an hour.

Still it did allow me an opportunity to glimpse the extraordinary headbanging tango of Andrew and Ola of which I had heard tell on Marie's blog, and from the little I saw of John Sergeant's I am more in love then ever. John Sergeant for the final. The campaign starts now...

Gary was awful. So was Mark Foster - must be something to do with being tall but he and Andrew Castle were both so stiff.

Don was fabulous this week though, which I'm quite pleased about as I do love to hear him speak, and it was nice to see he can also dance.

Without a doubt the two best boys are Austin and Mark, who jived their way comfortable to the top of the leader board. My money is on Austin for the final though (if by any chance John doesn't get there)- I think he has the slight edge.

I watched the girls group dance and apart from seeing Jodie bobbing about like an ungainly stork again (I think the more graceful dances are going to be her thing) and Jessie looking desperately ungainly, I couldn't really make head or tail of who was doing what, though Cherie stood out. I'd love to see her in the final too, but it'll probably be the youngsters.

Looking forward to next week, and on last night's showing would predict Jessie and Jodie for the dance off. Though I rather hope Jodie lives to fight another day...

So it's back...

... bigger and better then ever, etc, etc.

I have to fess up here and say I am not a veteran SCD watcher, having only really got into it last season when I was researching Strictly Love, so my point of reference isn't huge in terms of how much bigger and better it actually is. I'd say they're going to be hard pushed to top Alesha, but then having seen Mark Ramprakash dance (I missed the year he won) I suppose it probably seemed hard to top him too.

To begin with on Saturday, I felt the whole thing lacked the sparkle and enthusiasm we've come to expect. Brucie's jokes fell as flat as a pancake (ok I have never been a Brucie fan, though I do think it is fantastic that an 8o something is fronting such a popular show, but crikey he was working hard for not a lot of return), the audience seemed lack lustre, and the judges were working overtime to use the most ridiculous metaphors/similes they could (well, ok maybe they always do that).

I managed to miss the first two dances as I was on rabbit and guinea pig cleaning duties (or rather I let the kids off finishing cleaning the pets so they wouldn't miss the beginning). I think I am probably very grateful to have missed Phil Daniel's dance judging by his stiffness in the Dance Off last night - he looked like a constipated turtle. Tom wotsit who is the cute one from Holby City was thoroughly demasculated by a horrible green shirt as far as I could tell (the children think alot of the contestants must have really upset someone in the costume department. It is hard not to disagree with this.), but I have no idea what his dancing is like.

Then it was dear old Don Warrington, who has the disadvantage of age, carrying excess weight and er, the fact that he can't actually do it against him. He looked distinctly uncomfortable, although I think Arlene was right that when he relaxed there was a sense that he could have been better.

So far so absolutely dire, then luckily Austin Healey came on and did a waltz, which was a bit of a revelation as he could actually dance. I'm clearly not an expert, but I didn't think it was THAT good to deserve Len's 9. Maybe he was suffering from it's-all-crap-so-anything-halfway-decent-looks-exceptional fatigue (anyone who has ever judged a writing competition will recognise this syndrome. The standard is so dire you are losing the will to live. Something turns up which catches your attention and you think you've discovered Dickens. You then realise when you go back to it you've actually got a rather poor Jeffrey Archer. I suspect Len was having a dance judge equivalent moment).

Both Gary Rhodes and Andrew Castle unwittingly supplied huge amounts of entertainment with their absolutely dire Cha Chas. They appear to have been taking lessons in how to be windmills. Maybe they're going green. It looked very odd is all I can say. And I fail to understand how Arlene could detect Andrew Castle could dance as we couldn't actually see him as he was completely obliterated by Orla and her astonishing Barbarella outfit.

Mark Foster did a passable but dull waltz. He really is a wet fish, and unless he cracks the performance side, I think his chances of reaching the final to sport his swimming trunks are probably about zero. Although of course, the fact that he is such a hunk will probably see him a very very long way.

I'm saving the best till last.

I now really really REALLY want to see John Sergeant in the final. He probably won't get there because he's too old to manage the faster dances, but his waltz was just fabulous. It was charming and romantic and old fashioned, and suddenly the older character I am writing in my latest book has metamorphosed into John Sergeant because he is so lovely and self deprecating and wise. I also think it would be GREAT if someone could win it who hadn't started off as a dancer and wasn't young , thin and beautiful. But that is probably too much to hope for and I expect Rachel Stevens will win...

Couldn't quite work out what is going on with the girls, though my fellow SCD blogger Marie Philips thinks they're all heffalumps, but I'd still like to see Jodie Kidd hang around for a few weeks as she's good value and can't dance at all. She looked like a very gangly stork. And what on earth did they dress her in? She must have REALLY pissed off the costume department...

So next week we get to see the girlies dance - are they going to be as bad as they look or will one of them turn out to be an Alesha in the making? Only time will tell.

Oh and I think the right person got booted out last night - Don may be crap, but at least he looked like he was enjoying himself and got a bit more hip action in. But I suspect he'll be off next time. Unless Gary Rhodes really cocks it up...

So it's nearly back....

Strictly Come Dancing is waltzing into our living rooms on Saturday and so they keep telling us it's bigger and better then ever.

There are sixteen couples this time around - SIXTEEN - I ask you. I keep forgetting who they all are (even if I did know in the first place).

However, I did enjoy watching them all meeting their partners and trying on costumes last Saturday, so I kind of think this could be quite fun.

First impressions are that Jessie Wallace is incredibly orange. Which doesn't go very well with the pink dress she chose. And why has she got a Cleopatra hair cut? Or maybe it's a wig...

Phil Daniels displayed a hitherto unremarked camp side by diving for a pink shirt that was way too small for him, while Mr Muscles Swimming Man (sorry forgotten his name - what can I say? We were on holiday and missed the most exciting Olympics ever) could well turn out to be the Cheesiest Contestant this year. All brawn and no... Well maybe that's unfair. At least he looked very pretty I suppose.

Which is more then I can really say for Andrew Castle - eek. What a smoothie. Hope his wife wasn't watching as he chatted up his dance partner.

Don Warrington also turned out to be a bit smoother then I'd have liked. I suspect he's a crap dancer too. But I do like listening to him talk. Sadly there isn't much of that on the dance floor.

Hmm. Who else is there? Gary Rhodes looks far too full of himself.The guy from Casualty is GORGEOUS, but must have a very long suffering fiancee - would YOU miss out on your honeymoon so your husband could dance on the telly with some fit bird?

There's a rugby player I've never heard of, but who at least looks like a laugh, and I am really hoping John Sergeant stays in at as long as possible because I think he's going to be great value. I particularly liked the fact he had persuaded his Russian partner that he was REALLY REALLY famous here...

As for the rest of the women. Well, apart from the Enders and Cherie Lunghi, I barely know any of them.

Heather wotsit looks like the best dancer by far, but I suspect she's going to be a huge diva.

Cathy Beale - I mean Gillian Taylforth was very determined to prove what jolly good fun she is and how much of a good egg she is, and how she really really wants to put Cathy behind her and people to know her for being Gillian Taylforth, which makes you realise just why she put herself through the humiliation of THAT trial, because she clearly has no idea of the jokes that go around about her name. (Incidentally, when I was researching Strictly Love I watched a series of programmes about celebs who've made the mistake of going to court. Among many funny stories the Taylforth one still stands out as a real corker).

I missed the Cherie Lunghi bit, so have no idea if she can dance, Rachel Stevens probably can but did make the point that jiving about in front of a mike isn't quite the same thing, I have no idea who Christine Bleakley and Lisa Snowdon are, so haven't formed an opinion, but my favourite favourite woman has to be Jodie Kidd. She can't dance to save her life. Well that's how it looks at the moment. But she was so down to earth and NORMAL even though she is a super rich supermodel. I just loved the fact she was filmed feeding her horses with - horror of horrors - NO make up on.

Forget the dancing. I want to see Jodie and John in the final....

Strictly Come Dancing Eat Your Heart Out!

Here's a little taster of Strictly Love...

Strictly Newsflash!

It won't have escaped the notice of readers of this blog I'm sure that the new series of Strictly Come Dancing is out in a couple of weeks. And here's a taster of who is in it this time. No I haven't heard of most of them either, but so long as some of them can dance who cares...




Coincidentally, I have a dancing related book coming out on 22 September, though you can buy it from 18 September. If you're really keen, you can get a special bind up version complete with free learn how to dance book at Tesco's, but otherwise you can purchase it in Asda's, Sainsbury's, Woolies, and Smiths. Online, I believe Amazon are already taking orders. So now you have no excuse. My publishers have done me proud and it is a thing of much beauty. Whether it is a good read or not, I leave entirely up to you. If you like romantic fiction, peppered with a little sardonic take on our celebrity obssessed culture then it should be up your alley, otherwise, you've only yourself to blame. If you do buy it and hate it, I am very sorry, but please don't rip it up as one disgruntled reader did last time. I can't abide waste, so if it really turns your stomach, do at least recycle it somewhere.

I am, of course, hoping that you don't hate it and send me flattering letters telling me how wonderful I am. This will give my husband the perfect excuse to keep me in my place and tell me to stop getting bigheaded, and I do like to keep him happy...

First Steps...

Well I survived my first dance lesson.

What am I talking about survived?

I had an absolute blast. The best best thing about being a published author is I finally feel I can justify taking part of a morning off to go and learn how to dance in the interests of research. It's my job, you see. But how lucky to be able to have so much fun while you're doing it.

The morning didn't start too auspiciously as I wasn't quite sure where I was going and when I arrived, realised that the dance studio was on a main road with no parking for more then twenty minutes and a police car across the road. I drove round fruitlessly for some little while before parking on a yellow behind another car and hoping that the policeman wouldn't notice me.

I did feel quite nervous as I walked through the doors of the studio. Was I too old for all this? Too awkward? And when I saw the calibre of the sexy young couple strutting their stuff on the dance floor, too amateur by half?

However, I needn't have worried, as my dance teacher, whom I can now reveal to be Izobela Hannah who featured on SCD in 2005, was not only delightful, but instantly put me at ease.

On discovering that I wanted to get the feel for several dances (I have worked out rumba standing on my own in front of a computer screen, and tried to waltz with a nine year old following a dvd, but it isn't quite the same) she kindly showed me the basic steps of rumba, tango and social foxtrot.

In rumba apparently the thing to do is to keep the top half of your body straight and tall, but the bottom half should be lithe and lissome, so you can perfect your snake hip type movement. I had got the idea about snake hips from my computer forays, but actually executing it in the fluid way Izobela does is a whole different ballgame. Like most things in life, if you relax it's easier. To start with nerves were making me stiff as a post and I was so worried about not getting the basic steps, back, side close, forward side close, trying to keep your feet in between your partner's WITHOUT tripping up, takes some doing I can tell you. As I am the sort of person who has never been able to master that trick where you rub your head and your tummy simultaneously in opposite directions, you will understand that I really get muddled with my left and rights.

However, Izobela did manage to get me moving more fluidly, and thanks to her explanation of how to listen to your partner's body movements, I have a much better sense of how sensuous this dance could be, which is perfect for one particular scene when one of my couples get drawn closer together (and thanks to watching Ashes to Ashes last night, I've also given them the perfect tune to dance to: Body Talk).

After mastering a simple routine, Izobela then took me on to the tango. Here I felt like a complete prat I have to say. I'm not tall, but Izobela is much smaller then me, and with the tango you don't look at your partner, so I found myself staring in the mirror and wishing I could move as easily as she does. It was however very funny learning how to stretch myself right back with my head flung right back, before coming forward again and doing this funny rocking thing (which if I did it with my husband I wouldn't be able to cope without falling into fits of giggles), before doing that wonderful side stepping bit which the tango is famous for, and then ending it in a spin. I have a tango scene at the end of the book, and I can really see how that works much better now.

I can also see how to get my other couple (who are hopeless at dancing) into some wonderfully entangled situations, where they can trip each other up, or just keep leading with the wrong foot.

Finally Izobela took me onto the social foxtrot. This apparently is a good one to use when you're in a crowded room. When proper competitive dancers do it, they should, so Izobela told me simply glide around the room (and she demonstrated this brilliantly with her next pupil), but it's common for beginners to fumble and for the men not to lead properly. Again. Great material for the couple who can't dance, and watching it done properly made me itch to get up there and really have a go.

If I had world enough and time... And all that.

Unfortunately time is something I'm rather short of. Izobela does run a beginner's class, but on Monday evenings when I am out swimming (and as I appear to have finally committed myself to taking part in a triathlon this year I can't let the swimming go), so I'm planning a few lessons with her spread out over the next few months and hope with that and the help of my dvds, I might actually get to grips with this.

Because I haven't had such fun in a while.

And however hopeless I am. I do love to dance...